Nothing turns otherwise smart, capable people into clueless idiots like the task of buying and writing a sympathy card. I have to send one to a very close friend who tragically lost her husband, and it's daunting to think of something appropriate to say in the face of her overwhelming sorrow.
Some people prefer a greeted card that expresses the sentiment for them, so all they have to do is sign their name. Others prefer a blank card that lets them say what comes to mind. The most common design I see is quiet and subdued, with or without religious overtones. I've seen so many cheesy sympathy cards and not enough truly beautiful ones, and I'd like to give my friend something beautiful that might lift her spirits even for a second.
I tend to prefer a handmade sympathy card - the right one feels rich, important, and serious without being morose. Laila Rezai of Looky Loo Press does a great job of this, since she keeps her colors light and her letterpress design subtle and classy. These have a greeting on the outside but remain blank inside.
Cartesian Graphics does a nice job as well - fabric swatches in a neutral tone add weight and texture to an ivory card.
As for what to say, I always follow my friend's advice. She lost her brother, and the cards that meant the most to her were written by people who shared a personal story about him, and expressed how much her brother meant to them. When I don't know the deceased very well, I try to write something I've heard about the person or the impression they made on me the few times I met them:
I'm so sorry for your loss. Frank was kind and charming and clearly well-liked by so many people. My deepest sympathies to you and your family.
It's never a fun card to write but it's definitely worth doing. People get too hung up on what is or isn't appropriate, what will make the recipient feel better and what's the proper etiquette to follow. My friend stressed how important those cards were to her, and how it made her feel better to know that so many people cared.
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